THREE MEN AND A BASKET
I'll be back
I've gotta run but I've a favour to ask you
Whatever, but hurry I'm really busy!
I'm supposed to get a valuable package on Sunday, but I won't be home
Can I have it delivered here?
Yes, sure
- Will someone be here to receive it? - Of course
Pierre and MicheI'll be here I'm leaving for Japan
Will you tell them it'll arrive sometime on Sunday?
Tell 'em just to put it aside Someone will pick it up on Thursday
- Is that all? - Yeah, I can trust you, right?
Sure, you don't have to worry about a thing
You see, it's a bit tricky... If it's here, I'll feel safer
- Don't worry, it's done, bye now - Okay, I'm gone
My poor feet!
I told you the party will wear you out
- That was neat, huh? - Yeah
What's Jacques doing?
He's necking with a brunette Sophie, I think
No, Lili's her name
Lili or Sophie She's got a cute burn!
Nicole wouldn't shove off I couldn't get near Natalie
- Jean-Marc's girl? - Yup
A cracking lay according to him!
- Any whisky left? - Check the cabinet
Sorry not to help but I've got something going
- Aren't you leaving tomorrow? - Yeah, I'm flying to Japan
At dawn, forget that the concierge'll clean tomorrow
Just tiding up a bit
Hey, up all night then jet lag in Japan... What a man!
That bum of hers! A real dish!
We were just talking about that
Is it Lili or Sophie?
Clementine, guys Did you score, Michel?
I've 34 drawings to deliver in 10 days and no nights till then
But I'll catch up Anyway, leave Clementine's number
I'll leave it by the door tomorrow morning
I'll mark it with an X If she's worth it
Well I'd better go
I won't wake you See you in three weeks
Oh, wait, wait I forgot something...
I'm so beat, I can't walk I'm really beat
I feel like collapsing
Hell, I forgot to tell 'em about the package!
Valery!
I've got to make a call
Sorry, captain... I'll be right back...
I got it...
A package, Sunday... They'll come for it on Thursday...
No problem... We'll put it aside And mum's the word...
I'm in a meeting... Bye...
Kisses to the geishas!
I'm going for croissants... 3 or 4?
- What time's it? - 10, To work!
- But I was at it till 6! - Finished?
I didn't get anywhere
Like I said, coffee, croissants and to work!
3 or 4?
6!!!
FOR JACQUES
What the hell is that?
You got to be kidding...
Michel!
Wake up!
- Hurry, come here! - What is it!
Come see what's on the doorstep, quick! That's some of a joke!
What is that?
You see, it's a basket with a baby in it and a letter on it
Dearest Jacques, here's Marie the fruit of our passion
I'll be in the States for 6 months
Take good care of her Good luck-Sylvia...
A nice gift from Jacques to keep us amused...
- What're we gonna do? - Give ger back!
- But she went to the states! - There must be a way
- Got her number? - Whose?
- Sylvia's! - Why would l? Never heard of the girl!
- Don't you know her? - No way!
If I had to know of all Jacques' girls I'd be a full-time secretary!
- What're we gonna do? - Look, she's waking up...
Look, she's laughing...
Now, she's crying!
- Please, she's not gonna start crying? - It's getting serious
It's too much! What are you going to do?
Now she's really crying!
- What's wrong with her? - May be she's hungry
- Hungry?... - May be we should feed her...
- With what... - Milk
What has he done to us! What a bastard!
A little package...
Just put it aside till next Thursday...
- How can we take care of her? - Call Jacques' mother
How could she stop this racket from 500 miles?
- At least to ask her advice... - That old harpy!
I can already hear the questions firing...
What would Jacques do to us if he finds out we called his mother?
- I could call my own mother... - Leave our mothers out, please!
I promised Jacques to keep it secret Let's handle it on our own
Let our mothers in and we're stuck for 10 years!
Besides, if a woman stays here more than a night, I move out
- We made a deal - All right, go and ask the chemist
Good thinking Damn! it's closed on Sunday!
- The 24-hour pharmacy... - I'll go
You take the baby
Take the baby! I've never carried any...I'll drop it!
OK, ok, don't cry... I'll hold you.
What's the best brand?
It depends on your pediatrician's prescription...
The pediatrician, of course...
Give me the most popular
- All brands are popular, they're all good - Ok, give me that one
- This one's formula-milk - Is that bad?
No, It's very good
What's the difference?
The formula... This one's formula-milk too
So there're several...
First age, or second?
- There are two ages? - How old is the baby?
Well... It's a baby... A little baby...
Stop crying! Will you ever stop?
Please, just go to sleep! What the hell is that jerk doing?
She seem very hungry
Please, sleep, baby!
Does she have teeth yet?
- That'd tell us about her age - I didn't look
If she hasn't, she's probably younger than 6 months now
- If she has teeth... - She's older than 6 months!
Not at all, she could very well have had teeth at 3 or 4 months
- Oh... - Then...you need first-age milk
And still it depends on the brand!
Some cover 3 months, some 4
- Other brands... - How am I supposed to know?
- What's her weight? - Well...the weight...
Weigh her and according to her weight...
Never mind... I'll take both ages
And see about the teeth
- Do you want bottles? - Yes
The nipples, regular or 3-speed... Ah, you can shift speeds...
There are different nipples, too?
It's about time!
Here's a package for you What've you got there?
Oh, it's so cute! Is it yours?
- No - It's so adorable
- Hi!... is it a boy? - Yes... No, a girl
What's the baby girl's name?
- It's Marie - lsn't that cute, Marie...
- I didn't know you had a baby - No, it's not me...mine!
- Pierre's? - No, Jacques
I mean, not Jacques' either It's been lent to us
I mean... she's leaving Thursday
- But where's her mummy? - Ok, I'll put her to bed
You? But where's her mother?
- She'll be back - Here's an urgent package.../Can I hold her?
What nice fat cheekies! You can tell she's well-fad
You're a chubby little thing... Hey, she's soaked!
It's number 2... Can I help change her?
Leave it, I'm experienced Goodbye, Mrs Rodriguez
There, there, don't cry!
- I'm closing the door - Well, I'll come back to see her
Sure, goodbye
What a leech! And that other clown, where's he?
Go on, cry...
For her you smile but for me it's all pouts
And who's been hauling you around for hours?
How do you make a bottle?
First, you sterilize the bottles Then...
Sterilize? How?
Well, to sterilize a bottle...
What the hell were you doing? It's been hours!
I've had it, cries incessantly that brat You're a real asshole!
Hey, you've never talked to me like that!
What took you so long? Had breakfast on the way?
- I haven't had a cup of coffee! - Cut out the act
I had no coffee The pharmacy took an hour!
- Here! I've got to work - Why are you giving her to me?
I can't hold her and make a bottle And why should I hold her?
That's your business You found the kid!
That takes it! You're the Bastard of the Year!
I'd like to point out that I found her on my way out for your breakfast...
There she goes again... Better feed her
It isn't that easy... Frist, I must check the teeth
- Why? - Food is different according to age
- We look on top or on the bottom? - I don't know
Feel with your finger
Nothing... She must be less than 9 months, I'll try first age
- She's soaked, get any nappies? - Dammit!
I forgot that!
This time I'll go lt'll be much quicker
You have the basic pad the disposable nappy
- with elasticated legs or... - Give me the most absorbent!
Maxy plus?
My trousers!
What a swine, she did it
Hand me the cotton
- Don't let her go! - Take the cotton yourself, then
Hold her, for God's sake!
Hold her? She's hysterical, this kid!
- Get rid of that towel - She'll soil the couch
That shit sticks! It won't get off easily
We'd need some kind of lotion...
- Aftershave? - You nuts?
- Waste Saint-Laurent on this? - Let's just put on the diapers
- The tabs go in the front or back? - Who cares?
Hold her under the arms I'll try this way
What's this crap? They're much too big!
Not at all! The more absorbent the better
But how does this work?
- Would you hold her! - I'm weakening...
I didn't tighten it enough...
- What about laying her down... - Not there, it's full of shit!
What the hell is the matter with this diaper!
To think they bug us all day long
with their TV ads... Look, this stuff's worthless
Stick it, it gaps unstick it, it's a mess
Let's start again
Oh, no she's pissing now!
The couch... What a wretch this kid is!
The second the pad is off and WHAMO
It's your fault, too
These nappies don't fit
D'you find them in the fat ladies department?
It's floods for sure I care about my furniture!
I'll go buy others Meanwhile, you can clean up the couch
Fat lady, yourself!
Mr Jacques Duchemin... Yes, he's a steward...
He's on a flight to Japan...
Yes, a very, very urgent message... Family problem
He must call home immediately because then he's going
to Thailand for 3 weeks and will be unreachable
Thank you
- May be she's hungry... - Already?
Hurry! She's famished
- Is it done? - Coming!
God, wet again!
- You can't leave me alone I can't handle it/-I'm seeing Nathalie
You really stink! Me, do I go out?
I've been after her for 2 months
Do that and I'm packing!
What a drag you are! It was tonight or never!
I've got in a real mess... My partner just called,
I've got to work all night on a project for tomorrow
Of course not I'm not seeing anyone else...
I swear, Nathalie... I'm not lying...
It's Pierre... Iisten, I'm ill Tell everybody
that I won't be at the agency till Friday
Avoid pork, brains fish, game, duck...
Wait before giving wine and coffee...
In order to avoid stress and fatigue, normal diet...
Ah, Restricted Foods!
Avoid artificial flavored food...
I'm sorry, Mr Porchat I've got problems
The drawing won't be ready before the end of next week
No, not this one, the one after
I'm really sorry
He didn't say what time?
He said Thursday, that's all
But Thursday is vague We may rot here till 8 o'clock!
It's Ok as long as she goes
Then it's freedom for us No more sleepless nights!
He could've called... He must have our message by now
He wallows in Thai saunas while we're up shit creek!
How could he act like this dumping his shit on us!
We should drag him here Hell with vacation!
- Bottle time soon... - What a drag!
- Jacques Duchemin's? - Yes
- We've come for the package - Some package!
You can tell Sylvia she's a bitch!
- Sylvia? - Yes, Sylvia!
Dumping on people like that!
- We shouldn't be mixed up in it - We didn't know...a mix-up?
How could she just dump her baby here?
It's okay to leave it here
but Jacques is in Japan we coped with it all
- I don't understand - You could've left a number...
We didn't even know the kind of milk
Anyway, now you're here
She's got a bottle in 45 minutes It's ready in the basket
There's a supply of nappies lotions and everything...
But...iIt's a real one!
We don't really know her age
but I use 6 measures of powder for 3 ounces of water
Here's the box of milk plus one extra
Oh! get it... Powdered milk!
Okay... Good luck
Wait a sec... we'll take the basket and the milk
but not the... I mean, not what's inside?
What's inside?
you take the lot it's a package deal
You carry it
We will go now
Where are you taking her?
Where it's planned
Don't you have a number, an address so we know how she is?
I don't have it on me... I'll contact you later
- Good bye - Good bye
- Good riddance! - To work, at last!
Care of Jacques...
Michel!
- What's this? - A package, what else?
- Did you get this package? - Yeah, why?
- When did it come? - Don't shout!
When did it arrive?
I don't know... on Sunday Mrs Rodriguez brought it up
- Oh, my God! - What is it?
The baby and the package both came on Sunday!
- So? - This is the package they came for
- not the kid, you moron! - What package? What are you saying?
Look out the window I'll run after them
Holy hell! Holy smoke! Holy shit!
- Can you see them? - There... with the bike...
Wait... Wait!
I'm glad I caught you... There's a big mistake...
You must give me the basket It was the wrong package
- The package you came for - Shut up, there's a cop...
If you squealed on us I'll blowyour brains out
Hello, gentlemen What're you doing with that?
Were you trying to put the baby on this motorcycle?
Of course not
Then why were you attaching it?
They were just watching it for me while I bought cigarettes
Registration papers, please
Give him the papers
Shit! I left it at home
Follow me to the station we'll see about that
It's bottle time, I've got to go
Your papers, please
- Why me? What did I do? - Show me your lD
I don't have them I just went out for cigarettes
To the station, you too
Let's be serious, I can't take my passport, voting card
rent book whenever I go out for cigarettes?
And with a baby, huh?
Anyway, I have to give her a bottle in 15 minutes
I can't go to the station now
Stop! Stop!...
Let's get to it I asked for your papers!
Give me a break, officer I've a bottle to give...
- I live next door... - Then I'll follow you
Can't fool me! Which way?
This way
So you don't know them?
I told you I don't know them
But you give them your baby to watch?
- Just the time to buy cigarettes - You go buy cigarettes
and they tie the basket on their bike?
Can you go prepare the bottle she's hungry
- Who's he? - He's my flatmate
- I see, I see... - No, 3 of us live together here
Even better!
Excuse me, please... I'll go get the bottle
We've got a real problem
See this package, it's dope That's what those guys came for
If that cop finds it here we're in for 15 years
So hide it wherever you want but it's got to go
But not completely! They'll be back for the bloody thing!
And then it's our lives for their smack!
Let's sitck together Michel, we're in deep
I picked it up...
It's a collect call from Bangkok, Thailand
- Will you take it, sir? - I accept...
Yes, I'll take it
Jacques? It's Pierre...
Yes, we left a message... No, no... Nothing special
We just wanted to hear from you...
Yes, the package came... And went
Why didn't you call earlier?
A what? A hot deal? I see...
You're lucky... I was saying you're lucky...you, at least
Have a nice vacation... See you in two weeks, bye now
So, your friend is in Thailand...
He couldn't call before Because he is onto a hot deal
And he asks if the package came...
Seems I'm also onto a hot deal!
You'll explain to the chief
Good morning...What is it?
Nothing... A misunderstanding
- Did you give her the 5:30 bottle? - I just did
- And changed her? - No, she's wet
I'll do it
He's a steward... He oftens flies to Tokyo
But why Thailand?
- He can vacation where he wants - And he's making a move?
He was talking about some girl He's very into it
In your opinion, why did your baby sitters take off?
I told you I don't know them
And who's your friend who just came in?
He's a cartoonist We share the apartment
Whose child is it?
Jacques, we're keeping her because the mother's in the States
They're separated I've told you this 10 times
Okay, honey bun...
Let's go take a good nap
- A Martini? - No, thanks
Don't leave Paris in the next few days
- See you soon - Good bye, detective
Come back when you want you'll always be welcome
We've no particular plans to leave Paris...
Good bye
It's the pits They'll be on our asses
- Where's the package? - Stowed away, don't worny
Where?
- This way, it's right on hand - You crazy?
I put it under the cop's nose he never caught on!
I told them we're keeping her until Jacques comes back
we're in for another 15 days!
- And I'm scheduled to work today... Hey, don't let me down!
We'll share the work
Alone with her plus the cops, I'll crack Take a maternity leave!
Wait till we hear from the gang
I won't be in for 2 weeks... Something came up
Just personal problems
Okay, put him on
I can't explain... I'm in a mess, that's all
Yes, yes, no, that's not it
Cool down, I'm coming but only for an hour
I have to go to the office
I must go show them my drawings otherwise they won't pay
- Right now? - I've got 2 hours
before her next bottle
Dammit! I've got to go out too They want me pronto
- A contract's pending... - Go later
It'll be too late, it's 5 to 6
Same goes here my boss leaves at 6:30
I can't anymore...
How did we get into such a jam!
What if we left her at Mrs Rodriguez?
Brillant! Let's bring her the basket
Shit
the cops are already grilling her!
We can't serve the dope to them on a platter...
She's just had a bottle, she'll sleep
Let's leave her upstairs
What can happen? She's like clockwork
She won't budge
Sure! We'll be right back anyway
Michel, are you th!...
Michel, did you come al...
What the...
Marie!
Where are you!
My baby!
My precious!
- Come in, sirs... - Search warrant...
Go right ahead, sirs, it's all there
I see you already had visitors...
But what is it you're looking for?
Probably the same thing as your visitors
Didn't the concierge bring you a package last Sunday?
It was chocolate
Let's get to work!
Would you mind if I look in the bed, please?
I'll search the basket if you don't object...
Please do
Thank you very much...
Good day... We regret you didn't find anything
Thanks, see you sometime, maybe... Have a safe trip home
We may find something sooner than you think, wise ass
- Pierre! Pierre! - Careful
They'll tail us
I bet there are already two of them downstairs
I'll watch from the window let's test it
I was right
They're there for good We've got to play tight
Did you like the new decor?
Watch out, the cops are on us See you at the meat stand
We were going to give it to you
We never tried to cross you moron but we're being shadowed
Between 3 and 5 at Parc Monceau...
But the cops'll be there, too
- Think I'm that dumb? - You microhead
I'll slip you the package! No risk!
I mean it! I love the kid get it, scum?
Parc Monceau, between 3 and 5
Triple shit! What a jerk I am!
Are you off your rocker? What kind of slob are you?
Is it the latest thing dumping rubbish?
Inside a trash can in Par Monceau?
- Yup! - Good for you!
Why are you late? If you keep...
- Me too? - Yes
Only 7 more days...
4 more days...
Midnight... Only a day and a half to go...
It's tomorrow... Tomorrow God damn!
Customs... This way, please
I'm home!
Anybody home?
It's me!
You guys here?
I've got loads of presents for you...
Wake up!
Here you are...
What's that monster?
Here I am...
I've got presents for you...
What's with him?
What's wrong with you? Why such long faces?
And what's that brat?
Is it because of that?
Well, we'll talk when you stop sulking
And what that pigsty in my room?
Are you nuts?
Who the hell wrecked all my stuff?
Answer me, guys!
I paid for the furniture, too
I demand some explaination! I can demand reparation!
I already asked you about the brat... I don't want that around
Women are already out
so family life, forget it!
Listen pal, you sit down and open your ears up
You'll soon change your tune
What is this zoo?
And stop talking to me like that, all right?
I'm talking like this because you're a pain!
You have caused all the problems!
You think we like kids n this house?
But, when it's forced on you you have to cope with it!
And that package!
And the apartment...
All our stuff is broken! There's nothing left!
And we're exhausted We've hardly slept in 3 weeks
A bottle every 3 hours, 2 at night plus cops around the clock...
Real hide and seek!
And out of the blue, our hero calls I'm in Bangkok...
I'm onto a hot deal... Did the package come?
Coming, it came! 2 of them!
Michel couldn't deliver his drawings he may lose five thousand...
I couldn't go to the agency in twenty days!
A real maternity leave! My partner is screaming on the phone!
We had to juggle the cops the dealers and the kid...
And without Michel's brilliant idea of hiding the dope
...in the nappy, hello jail!
- We nearly freaked out! - They ransack the place
Pierre comes home he finds it in the toilet
- Boy, was he in a state... - That's not the problem
We've been drowning in bottles, and shit for three weeks, and we've had it!
What is this? Cops? Baby?
And who broke in here?
And why two packages? And who dumped this kid on you?
And why didn't you go to work? I don't understand
Why, why... two days with the kid and you'll understand why!
But who is that damn kid, anyway?
Her name's Marie and you shouldn't spit on her because she's your daughter!
Can't waste our lives wiping a baby's ass
Even if it's yours!
Paul? I brought you back a present...
Can't wait to see you...
Their only solution was doped nappies, clever, no?
What are you talking about doped nappies?
Maybe you don't know I've got a baby on my hands
Thanks to you! Call that being a pal?
Have you asked yourself what I'm supposed to do with the baby?
- Is it your idea of friendship? - Who's that damned baby, anyway?
I'm warning you, don't insult her
Damn baby yourself! it's my daughter!
So don't spit on!
Say, mum, I'm bringing you a little surprise...
If I tell, it's no surprise
You will soon find out
I think it'll make you very happy
The next 4 are ready lt'll last you till tomorrow
- Alright - Tell her to let her sleep a lot
- Okay - If her arse is red
tell her not to listen to doctor's bullshits
The only cure is a bottle of water instead of milk
In 3 hours, it's fixed A miracle, a bottom like marble!
Give her water, got it
Pierre says to wash her clothes with soap flakes
Where she's going you'll find soap flakes, no problem!
Rinse 3 times in hot water
Rinse 3 times...
To help her sleep we sing two-part lullabies
- But my mother lives alone! - She'll sing alone
All she has to do is sing her a lullaby
- Got it - And about the nipples
There're 3 speeds on the nipples! Always use the slowest
...Number 1...It's super super important The slowest, always
Otherwise it flows too fast and it's bad for her digest...
I'd better hurry I'll miss my plane
- Anyone here? - There's me
- And Jacques? - He went to Nice
He comes and goes the same day... What a nerve!
He took Marie to his mother
- I made him 4 bottles of milk - What an asshole!
Don't worry, I prepared 4 bot...
This guy's killing me!
- What's wrong? - He could've called me, at least!
- Sad she's gone? - Absolutely not! What're you making up?
I'm relieved! Good riddance!
- I prepared 4 bot... - That lunkhead could've said something...
Unbelievable...
There're such things as phones!
...4 bottles for the trip! I finally got it out!
God... Marie-Rose, look! It seems I'm a grandmother
Let me see her
God is she cute!
- What's her name again? - Marie
Almost like you, Marie-Rose...
God, to think I'm a grandmother...
You could've let me know earlier... It's incredible...
You never call, never write never come to see me...
But I'm here now
Did you see, she smiled at me...
Who's her mother? Won't you introduce me?
She's gone to the States for 6 months
So who's taking care of the baby for you?
Well, I was actually thinking of you...
I thought may be you'd like to have her, till her mother's back
Yes, of course...
But the fact is that I'm leaving in 3 days with Marie-Rose
on a cruise to the Caribbean we're staying with friends
- Oh - See, it's a real chance...
A friend got us a cut-rate on the cruise...
When will you be back?
I don't know... in 3 or 4 months...
Then I'll be in Bordeaux to see a friends So, I can't take care of her
- You've got loads of friends! - That's right
The senior citizens card's great...
And I get bored here... I'm so lonely...
Marie-Rose and I have so much fun
Remember last year in Marrakesh? God, we really pigged out
See Marie, your granny's going on a flink in the Caribbean
She'll bring you a big exotic toy
- You brought her back? - Yeah
She's starving put the bottle on
What happened? Did you have a fight?
Damned senior citizens cards!
- She refused? - She's leaving for the Caribbean
then to Bordeaux to stay with friends, then off again
Has she got friends!
The apple never falls far from the tree
- What do you mean? - Nothing
You're not her son for nothing
What would she do in her age than travel
Old age doesn't exist anymore!
You have to come back, that's final
I travel, I can't take care of her...
Yes, but you're her mother!
What proves, I'm really her father?
The dates coincide... That proves nothing
So you know it?
I don't, so you come back and take her, Now!
Sylvia!
Sylvia, hello? Hello!
Sylvia... For heaven's sake!
The bitch, she hung up!
She's doing this on purpose! I will find her, I will!
Don't you have her address?
She got my message through her agency, and called from a hotel
She's modeling all over the country
every week a new city I'll never find her
Especially now
she must've given them the word about me
Good evening, sir... Mrs Rapons from Second Mother Agency...
Oh, hello Do come in, do come in
Step this way
Wait a minute, please
Who's that?
A woman Must be the nurse he found through an agency
- She wants to see Marie - She's sleeping
Too bad, she's got to see her
- What are you doing? - I'm not doing anything
Don't go in my room she's sleeping
Mrs Rapons the nurse... She wants to see her
Don't wake her up! It'll take me an hour to calm her
I know, but she wants to see her!
- I'll go explain - Please, I'm begging you, don't go
- Don't worry, I'll take care of it - No, I'll do it
Want to bet in 15 minutes she'll slam out of the place?
If you can't even understand that one shouldn't wake a child
take a refresher course
Sir, let me remind you I never wanted to wake her
but only to see her Slight difference!
It's normal I see the child I'll be caring for night and day
Night and day? You mean you'll be sleeping here?
Of course! A second mother is a second mother!
- Where'll you sleep? - If you'd please show me to my room...
I don't knowwhere Jacques wants to stick you...
May be in his room...
But I'm warning you the 3 of us are real studs!
That's not my concern
It'd be a shame at your age... if you'd taken chastity vows
My concern is children
and as for screwing I've got all I need at home
With a couple of days off a month I wouldn't have any problem
My only interest here is the child
and I can see she needs care
Oh really? And why may I ask?
It's quite clear listening to you, sir
Besides, you're not the father
Now listen, Mrs Parons... Ronpas...
- It's Rapons, Mrs Rapons! - Parons, Ronpas, Parons, hell!
- It's Rapons, Mrs Rapons! - Rapons, whatever
The mother one can always tell who she is
but the father, who knows? get off my back!
Never mind! I won't talk to you
Show me the kitchen and the bathroom, please!
- Why? - To prepare your shopping list
You don't shop yourself?
No shopping, washing or cleaning I'm a trained nurse
We don't need a thing
Have you sufficient fruits and vegetables?
We don't give her any of that Only milk and cereal for now
It's not enough
At 3 months you can begin a normal diet
- That's bullshit - Why?
You can't feed a baby like an adult!
- How do you know? - I read books
The diets doctors prescribe today are much too rich
I have my own special recipe Mrs. Purons
It's Rapons, Mrs. Rapons
For example, what do you do when they can't sleep?
I try to calm them down Sometimes, I give a sedative
I knew it, you cretin!
I said there's no point to this I will not speak to you
I'm fully trained
I use the methods recommended by the greatest pediatricians
Medicine is serious
Know the song, Medicine's a whore the chemist's her pimp?
We probably don't appreciate the same music I like opera myself
Mrs. Napons, stay one more minute and I'll break your neck!
- This my house, get out! - It's Mrs. Rapons!
I've unlimited patience with children
but I'm not qualified to take care of lunatics
Good day, and best regards
I told you... 15 minutes timed
Listen guys what are we going to do?
I tried everything but nothing worked
My mother went on a trip Sylvia is in the states
Pierre doesn't want a nurse no day care
Mrs Rodriguez's dropped us since the cops
Even the cleaning lady ditched us What do you want me to do?
Want me to take the kid away? Go to the social worker?
Here come the viloins...
Really, what do you suggest?
What I suggest is that since your mother comes back in 4 months
Iet's not waste energy looking for solutions
We'll get roganized the 3 of us'll take care of her
- What's 4 months, anyway? - Get organized? How?
First, I'm always travelling
Ask to be grounded for serious family obligations
That is out of the question
I chose the job for travelling I won't stop travelling
Then it's the social worker, not us
4-hour nights, I've had it!
Take it easy!
- You'll ask to be temporarily grounded and you'll... - No!
And you'll do the 6 to 10 shift
That's 2 bottles, 2 changes Plus the shopping after work
Since I work at home I'll take 10 to 6
I'll stroll her in the park but no more house chores
Pierre, you'll do the 6 to 10 PM shift
2 bottles, 2 changes You bathe her, supervise the diet/do the wash
Gonna live like nuns!
And what if she wakes up at night?
- I was sort of thinking of you... - I don't do nights, no way
Needless to say me neither
Bastards! I'm on the longest 8 hours straight!
Nights are out Let her scream, but without me
You're a crook
We give you the easiest shift the morning when she's all rosy...
We're been on nights for weeks now you turn up your nose?
She's your daughter, after all! Are you that horny?
Horny yourself!
I won't ask to be grounded Piss off!
I don't need you I'll find a solution on my own
< Personnel Office >
- Jaques? - Oh, hi
- Anything wrong? - No, it's all right
What were you doing seeing the boss?
I asked to be grounded
- He said no? - He said yes, that's just it
I'm off, she ate well she's falling asleep
She's crying... I'll go get her
Let her cry She'll stop in 2 minutes
- Needs to burp - She won't sleep if you carry her
I knowyou let ger bawl for hours, but I can't
I never let her bawl for hours!
You'd find any book theory for not taking care of her
What a schmuck!
- Get off my back - Quiet... It's 10
It's not your shift, so drop it! So go to work
I'll hold her for 2 minutes and then put her back to bed
Hi, Michel I just came by for a file...
- Everything okay? - Fine
- Then I'm off to work - Okay
- The kid's fine? - Fine
You look at me you smile at me...
You like your little bath...
- Hell, she's crying... - who?
Nothing... I'll be right back
It's okay, right? You are alright, right?
- She's crying? - Whenever I put her down
- May be she's thirsty? - No she's teething
- What am I suppose to do? - We bought a syrup
Try to put her down, we'll sing
This guy's completely nuts!
Are you gonna sing all night?
Oh, a baby...
Sorry
- Who's that hag? - Whatch your tongue!
Does she have to shout?
I'm the one in charge give me a break
Stop fighting, you two She's sleeping!
As for your little father-knows-best act Drop it, I've had it!
Right! Same for me!
If you want to argue let's meet at Pierre's room
I'm no punching ball!
I'll tell you, the day her Mother comes back it'll be heaven
Sorry to intrude but I'm splitting
I'm no wallflower
Don't go...don't go
Just a little argument... Here I go, back to bed!
Sorry, I don't feel like it anymore
Bye
When can I see you without a crowd?
You're the busy one You cancel our dates!
Save room for the 3-tier cake it's from R & M!
Funny, I thought I heard a baby cry...
- Really? - But it could've been the metro...
Give her a drink?
Stop, he's filled my glass at least 8 times!
No way, she won't take it
I sure will! But I'm drunk...
- Tell me about Thailand... - It was wonderful!
Customs searched me...
Two hours in my shorts...
- Excuse me... - The art world in turmoil...
But where is Jacques?
What the fuck are they doing?
They're preparing dessert
Come on back, guys this is boring without you!
I'll go get them
- Try to put her in - Hold your ears!
She must be teething
We can't let her cry here alone poor thing...
Watching football, or what?
The guests... Let's take her outside
Yes, we can't leave her like this
- It's a baby! - I told you I heard a baby
- What's that baby? - Who's baby is it?
This is Marie, my daughter
Your daughter... You sure?
- Congratulations - She's so cute
- Don't cry, Marie... - There's too much noise, here
- You won't mind me turning it off would you? - Give her to me, I'll try
- If you sit down, it'll be worse - Have you had her for long?
A couple of months
Who's her mother?
She's in the States she'll be back soon
Does she always cry like that?
She's just teething Usually, she's adorable
And what if you just put her to bed?
It's just a whim Put her in bed
I think little babies aren't very interesting
Do you?
So do l, they only begin to interest me around age 3
Then you can teach them things talk... but before that...
Before that, all they do is sleep eat, cry...
Conversations are limited
I wish babies were the only ones with limited conversation...
Depends on what you call limited
In the kingdom of the jerk the cretin's one-eyed!
- What's that mean? - Nothing
I'll leave you to your unperishable talk
I'll get the 3-tier cake, ok?
Nurseries aren't my kick See you
Which way you going?
Montparnasse Want a drink at Select?
- Sure - Can you drop me off at Vavin?
Sure
- Bye - Bye
Hey, where's Clotilde?
Well, since they're all going... Coming, darling?
Tell Pierre that the jerks are tired
- Bye - See you later, bye
- I don't know what got into him - He was mad, really mad
I may also be a jerk but the fact is I'm tired
Let's go We'll talk to him on Monday
Here's the wonder... Leaving?
- We're worn out - Where's everyone?
Pity for the cake but we must go, sorry
- Never mind, it's okay - Good bye
Can you make some room on the...
Clotilde's plastered I'll see her home
She's sleeping, we sang...
Where are they?
- Gone! Clean the table for me - Everyone? Why?
Don't know, they seemed mad Can you make some r...
Pierre!
Pierre, come see!
They've all gone!
Serves them right! A bunch of childless dipshits!
- Say, can you make some room for the c... - They can't stand kids
I can't either, but that's no reason They're all pigs!
The hell with it!
And Natalie says, It's a whim put her to bed! She's a headcase!
Speak for yourself! You shove your kid on us...
Don't push it! My life is work baby, no sleep, work
You don't do nights!
I haven't got laid for 6 months
Forget chasing arse... At night, I'm too tired to go out
- When is Sylvia coming back? - It's been 6 months and 4 days
I'll give her the week Then, I dump the kid
I hope you'll ball the hell out of her
- Don't worry, blood'll flow! - We did what we could!
We can't waste our lives wiping a baby's ass!
Hi, I'm Sylvia, Marie's mother I've come for her
Oh, it's you...
Wait, I'll get Jacques
Is Marie ok?
In great shape...
She was teething, these days...
Can I see her?
Yes, she's here...
Hi, Marie darling...
Recognize mummy?
She's so changed, so beautiful...
I did it to hurt Jacques I never imagined I'd miss her so...
Hurt Jacques, I see...
Is he here?
Is Jacques here?
I'll go get him
Marie's leaving!
So, five bottles...
The small ones, for water...
The brush...
- Do you have a blender? - A blender?
For bananas, carrots... She gets them now
No, I don't
Well, here's ours
- Want me to take her? - No, I'll hold her
Could you give these to Michel?
- Here are the bibs... - Thank you
I put the woolens on the bottom and the nappies on the top
- That's what you'll need first - Yes, thank you
- You can come back for the cradle - Yes, I will
- Hand me the pushchair... - Where are you going to put it?
Give me the pushchair
- You really put us in a jam... - I'm sorry
Really, it's been crazy for the last 6 months
I'm really sorry
We can't waste our lives wiping a baby's arse
I understand
Now that you're taking her back let's forget all that
Alright
- Have enough money? - Enough
- Got anybody? - I don't need anyone
I live alone but I've got girlfriends
Or guys who pass through No more than one night work is
Work is more important
We've got it all
- I've loaded everything - Now for Marie
Here, let's sit!
That's taken care of!
Then I'll be off now I can't thank you enough
- Take care - Good bye
Bye, Marie
- Well, we've done enough - More than enough
I forgot to tell her how to make the baby food
- She'll get along on her own - Right, she will
- Now the good life! - Sleeping late...
To hell with being grounded off I go to Caracas!
I won't leave Nathalie alone till I get her into bed
For me, it's Charlotte, Clotilde Ghislaine, Patricia, Sylvie, Renee
- There are so many... - It's really exciting
I've six months of sex to catch up on
She forgot her squeaky giraffe...
Natalie! Natalie!
There are lot's of good stuff
I'll tell you slowly
- Good night - Rest tight
- Good night - See you tomorrow
< Hotel Continental, Happy Easter! >
- Your profile shot is the best - Right
Don't forgot the client wants the pictures by tomorrow...
- Tomorrow is really important - They're good, no?
- They are - It's wonderful
- Want me to take you home? - No thanks I've an appointment
I forgot my bag, don't wait
- See you later - Bye
Still there darling?
Mommy's done with work You were a super nice girl
Now let's go home
You understand don't you darling? Mommy's got to work
Now what do mommy have to do next?
Mommy's going to take off her high heels and put on her good old shoes
and her good old jacket... Well that's it
Now home, for a big din din!
- Take off her high heels - It's kind of like Romeo and Juliet...
- I told her something... - Met a dead end
This... this...
- You knowwhat this is? - It was short...
Oh, my feet...
What is this?
Hey, a giraffe...
By the way, have you had any news from that kid you had?
Actually, I won't be able to...
You put juice and cream?
It's nice of you... You'll eat it with your girlfriends
I'm with a friend... I've got something urgent to finish
It'll take us the night, for sure
Sorry
I hope you're not angry...
We'll make it up Kisses everywhere
They still live here
the 2 guys with the baby?
The ones who had trouble with the police...
Oh yes, they do
I was on that case... I quit the force, don't worry
Do you see, I'm pregnant...
Yeah
Shall we go out for air?
I wanted to ask them...
- It's been bothering me for a long time... - What is it?
The dope, it was in the nappy wasn't it?
- Yes, why? - I feel better knowing it
Did you know her?
- Who? - The baby...
That was my daughter How did you like her?
I didn't really look at her
but I should have If I had I wouldn't've been fired!
If I could remake the world if I were God
I'd make Adam out of Eve's rib
Not the other way around
That's an idea
Why not?
But why?
Things would've been clearer...
No one would of made us believe that a being came out of our rib
Because nothing comes out of a man's rib
Never...
Just out of our prick... and still
it all remains to be done
For sure
To make buildings, planes, cars
that we know how...
It's useful...
It's applied for a job with the Water & Forest...
Maybe no one made us believe it...
May be, we wanted to believe it
But let's face it
No one ever comes out of our rib
The baby was white as snow And the happy old days...
Tomorrow, San Francisco
Say hello to the Pacific for me...
I'm flying back the day after
You'll be in a horrible bood
Jet lag ruids you, now
What do you mean, now?
Before, you dind't Now, it gets to you
- Before what? - How should I now?
Before, that's all!
It doesn't get to me at all
- No more jam... - I'm not going
I'm going to work
Are you eating here todight?
No, I'm going to the flicks with... I forgot her name
- Your lndian? - No, she's Finn
But what's her name
Weird names they have! Mathilde... Magdeleine...
I don't remember... Ma something
Marie?
Dasty cold I got!
You think I'd bawling all the tibe but it's odly the flu
I don't know what's got into me
Everything I draw stinks
- Really? Why? - I don't know, I feel sluggish
Me too
Must be the weather...
All this rain...
Hi, is Sylvia here?
She'll be back in an hour or two About midnight, she said
Oh, I see...
Want to wait?
Why not?
- Is Sylvia okay? - I don't know I'm medical student
I baby sit This is my first night
Oh, I see...
I won't wait for her, after all
Give her this when she comes in
Sure
Shouldn't she be sleeping at this hour?
She cries when I put her to bed so I let her stay up
Haven't you got any tight?
Haven't you got any tights for her legs?
Tights? It's warm in here
- You want me to call them? - No
But you should let them know at least!
No I'm not going I've had it with travelling
Hurry up, I'll call a taxi You can make it
- Don't you dare call! - Don't act like a baby!
They won't have time to replace you
You'll lose your job! How will you pay the rentt?
I'll wash dishes I'll move to a bedsit
What happened?
I'm not going anymore I'm fed up with their flights...
With women who have the same ass... With hotel rooms...
Duty free shops make me throw up!
I'd like to know what I live for!
Do you know why you live?
I cooked... Pierr'll be here and cheer you up...
He's already here
- I didn't hear him - I did
He's in his hole
Wake up
It's steak...rare
Coming, Pierre? Dinner is on
Let's eat
Is Jacques here?
I'm freaking out...
- Can't handle it alone - Jacques!
Jacques, for god's sake!
My work never ends My schedule is crazy...
I just did 4 days of posing... Everyday, my work never...
- I just did 4 days If posing... - And?
- We'd finish at 3 AM... - And?
At 5, she'd wake up! Think how much sleep...
I know After the 5 AM bottle comes the 8 AM
Without mentioning the cash for the baby sitters
And baby sitters leave kids half-naked and up all night!
That was you, the flowers?
I could've killed th guy!
I can't handle it
My parents're in Brittany Anyway, we're at odds
- The kid needs to go to the park... - For sure...
Need the time Everyday... hard to find...
I have to work, I like it and I need the money
But to get a job, I need a sitter You know for the money
So I work all day and ...not sure I'm taking good care of her
Yes, you're, don't cry She looks great
I'm craking up... I haven't slept in 4 days...
She must be teething and I can't make it
It's nothing at all Some syrup will do
She pulled that on us, too We lost all our friends for one tooth
Look at my face...
How can I pose like this?
And what'll do if they don't want me?
You look great, just sleep At your age, it can all be fixed
Sleep, sure, but when?
Well, leave the kid with us a few days and go recover
We're experienced... For us it's nothing
Can I really leave her with you?
Of course you can come back when you want to
Take a rest
I brought her things for a couple of days...
Isn't she hungry?
Yes, it's time for her bottle It's in her bag
I'll heat some water
I'll make her bed
Hey, guys, come see...
- Come look! Here! - What is it?
Come here and look!